OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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