when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
