Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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