Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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