you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
