Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
