hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
