I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
