She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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