Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
