I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
