I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
