Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize