someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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