i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
