just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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