I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
