these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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