If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
