I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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