So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
