his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
