So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
