At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
