My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize