I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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