Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
