oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
