Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he puts the penis in happiness.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
