dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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