This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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