Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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