Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
