I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
