Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
