Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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