I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
