Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize