Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
