If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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