I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
