Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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