he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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