So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry about my life...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
