I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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