Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
