New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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