The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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