everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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