thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
