Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
