Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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