I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
