Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
