Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
