Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
