I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
