I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
