it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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