Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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