I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
