I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
