Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A bitchslap is in order.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
