Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
