I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
