I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
