I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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