there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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