I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
