Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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