Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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