There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
