dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
